Sometimes the Google auto-complete of their most common searches makes me laugh:
Really miss blogging, but my capable moments are very rare these days, and what little energy I have seems already spoken for and then some. I feel like I have so much to say and so much to vent right now, but not the capability to do it. Which is frustrating in and of itself. Apparently the site got five hits yesterday from people searching for “feline appendages,” though. Five. Good to know it’s still useful while I’m not able to use it.
Am still trying to learn my limits. Am still pushing past them sometimes. But it’s harder than you’d think not to. Really and truly. Imagine if you really couldn’t do anything at all. For the next…who knows. Maybe years. Maybe forever. And see if you wouldn’t be tempted to pick up the laptop, or the remote, or a novel now and then anyway and just push through it a little. Because it’s not a guaranteed problem, just the risk of one. And inactivity causes its own set of complications. And it’s not so easy to tell from one day to the next where the line will be between temporary discomfort and a longer lasting backslide. It changes too wildly and unpredictably. Thankfully sometimes a mistake only costs me a few days, or a not-so-good week. There have been a couple of more major downfalls, but I either didn’t see the crash coming from those things, or didn’t know how to prevent them (one was from trying to start physiotherapy to prevent atrophy of my muscles and joint pains, one was from medical appointments, and another was from going to the Independent Medical Examination that my LTD insurance required).
Legs were agony for a while. I seem to have managed to figure out how to prevent it getting that bad now (or so far so good anyway), so that’s been good.
We’re still spending a small fortune on health-related stuff (railings, and bath benches, and pressure-reducing pads, and supplements, and non-standard tests, and, and, and…) but there doesn’t seem to be much of a choice, really.
I did a hormone test yesterday where I had to spit into little test tubes and fill them more than half full. You would be amazed how long that takes. Really. Seems like it should be easy, right? FORTY minutes the first tube trying to generate that much spit. My best time was around 20.
Went through a period of emotional CRAZY. With intentional all-caps. I started calling it “brain fire” because it was a distinct sensation, and I could feel it coming on. Just one in the never-ending series of really-not-in-any-way-subtle symptoms that seem to stick around consistently for a while and then just fade away for no discernible reason.
My doctor finally checked my heart rate when I stand up. Went from 80 beats per minute to 120 within moments. It’s done this all along, and there doesn’t seem to be that much we can do about it other than what we already are, but it felt satisfying somehow to have her witness it this time rather than just taking my word for it.
There’s lots more, but I’m feeling the burn of trying to write this much. Will try to be back when I can. Miss you all.