Emotional Umbrella

Listening to things is generally hard on me since the Hell Crash in 2011.   I remember initially realizing that I might be stuck lying in bed for a really long time, and investing in a bunch of guided meditation and guided relaxation CD’s, a couple of audio books, etc.  I might be bed ridden, but damned if I wasn’t also going to be the most zen, well-adjusted person on the planet and also fluent in German.  But it became quickly apparent that listening is taxing.  Unexpectedly taxing.  Somehow more taxing than something that combines both sound and visuals.

(No, I have no idea why.  Maybe I normally use visual cues to piece things together and save brainpower since my hearing kind of stinks (which it does), or maybe imagining a picture in my head is a step harder than having it provided for me?  Maybe once the visuals go off my audio processors zone out and get distracted, and then have to quickly scramble to come up with some kind of creative plausible lie when my brain comes asking what they’ve heard?  I don’t know.)

At any rate, I don’t listen to music anymore.  Music is a sure-fire path to the delightful head/spine protest that I like to call “brainfire.”  I opened up my iTunes this Christmas to attempt a half hour of festive music, and realized that I hadn’t touched it in almost two years.  I didn’t even remember that some of the songs listed there existed.

Likewise, the radio is never on when I’m in the car.  My husband listens to it sometimes when he’s driving on his own, but it’s always quiet when I’m in there.  And I’m very rarely out of the house now, so I tend not to be exposed to radio or background music in stores, etc.

I tend to skip over videos on my Facebook feed, because they’re generally too straining to be worth it.

Very recently, I found myself in a waiting room with music playing and something dawned on me suddenly, and I was so awestruck by how profound that statement was that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized it sooner.  Earth shaking.  Really (not really).

I have been out of touch with popular music so long that there will be songs that are so overplayed that everyone on the planet is sick to death of them, and I will NEVER HAVE HEARD THEM EVER.  *gasp*

If this had happened years ago, I might never have known what Achy Breaky Heart was, or wouldn’t recognize the name Brittany Spears.  There will be whole fleets of artists that everyone hates, and I won’t even know to hate them.  Clearly I’m missing out.

On a sincere side, it’s a weird statement on how cut off I am now from the “normal” world.

I still sometimes wander the internet, though, so I’ve seen a few jokes and memes and wordplay going around.

So today, in honour of the start of 2013, I went to YouTube and I listened to Call Me Maybe, and Gangnam Style.  For the very first time.

And I am so out of touch that I’m not even entirely certain those were appropriate selections.

Tags: housebound, I'll be sitting there ten years later going "Hey - I just heard this brand new song SexyBack.", isolation, ME/CFS, myalgic encephalomyelitis

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 2nd, 2013 at 6:32 pm and is filed under ME/CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.