Super Happy Fun Time Flu Extreme

This is very good.  A tad slow leading up to after the two minute mark, but well worth it.  Once he gets into the details of his experience, I think he’s done an excellent job of bringing across some of what it’s like those first months.  I can see so much of my own journey in what he’s said.

I always hesitate a little before any kind of updates on illness-related things, because in addition to seeming potentially…um…less than enthralling…I feel like it always comes with the risk of having people assume that I’m somehow attention-seeking.  And I don’t want that.  But at the same time, 1. there really isn’t a whole lot of excitement to choose from around here these days, and 2. I have a strong drive to share at least pieces of my story and in some tiny way help to spread awareness and understanding about an illness that is so very often misunderstood.  In reality, I probably shouldn’t worry about it since those people are already too distracted by the fact that I’ve just started two sentences with conjunctions.

Apologies for the giant gaps in posting.  There hasn’t been a whole lot of extra energy to spare, and generally when I do pull the laptop over to try to compose a post, my brain offers up something to the effect of “uuuuuuuuuuuunh,”  or occasionally “bees?”  Not a particular fountain of creativity over here.  It’s been a bit of a rough few months here physically, including a lot of testing, car travel to appointments, the aftermath of each of those, and a business trip that my husband couldn’t get out of.  How much does it suck having your husband leave for a two week trip and realizing that you are not at all capable of taking care of yourself for that time, you ask?  A lot.  On the plus side, the experience allowed me to discover a new sliver of pride that I did not know I had left at this point.  On the down side, I ate it.  Nom nom pride.

In more recent news, I have just started Equilibrant, which the ME folks reading will know means that I’m probably feeling like crap right now with start-up effects.  And they’d be right.  But I need to do something more, and immune modulators and antivirals seem like the best shot for me right now given my most prominent symptoms and blood work results, and this one is often prescribed by some of the specialists in the field whose judgement I trust.  Plus, there’s a slim chance that Equilibrant in particular may also do something for the ravening puffer demons that have taken up residence in my gut.  I’m not sure what a puffer demon is exactly, but I suspect it is something like a puffer fish, except larger.  And more ornery.  And made of burning.  Anyway, I am cautiously hopeful about it.

So right now I’m living through the Ultra Flu Extreme (as opposed to the regular Flu Extreme that I normally carry around these days).  The Ultra version doesn’t come with leather seats, but it does have a promising “chills and shaking” package, so that’s something.  My body is known to be pretty sensitive to medications/supplements/foods/existing, so I’ve been started off with just a quarter of a pill, which was most definitely the right call for me since that tiny piece has floored me like a ton of bricks.  I’ve discovered that extreme illness is much like pain in that we tend to forget later just how bad it can get (Bad.  It can get quite bad).  I’m sure those of you who caught the regular flu this year can sympathize with that.  The manufacturer mentions that dosing can begin with one pill and sometimes go up to a maximum of six pills per day.  My quarter pill and I laughed and laughed and laughed together reading that, and then lay back down in a whimpering heap of painful exhaustion from all that laughing.  But the pill still seemed in fairly good spirits about it, particularly when you consider that he was about to be eaten.  I’m currently aiming for a dose of one or maybe two pills in some distant eventual time.

Until then, I’m back to struggling to get up the single step from my living room, sometimes needing to take the wheelchair to get down my hall to the bathroom, and getting that horrible creeping burning agony along my spine and up into my head when I try to read or type things.  Things like final paragraphs on posts one has been slowly plugging away at, made of sentences very much like these.

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3 Responses to “Super Happy Fun Time Flu Extreme”

  1. Geege says:

    You’re not sympathy trolling, you’re honest and open about your illness and people WANT to hear about it cause we care. I wish I could take some of this from you, even for awhile, just so you could remember how awesome life can be and will be again.

    I think of you all the time, especially when I have those “poor me” moments. I remind myself that you have a lot of shit to deal with and yet you’re still positive and kind and funny, and that helps me realize I need to STFU and carry on, cause you do.


  2. Curiosity says:

    Thanks, Geege. You’re a sweetie. I really appreciate the thought. I’ve actually managed to find a great deal of peace and happiness with the good things I still have in my life as it is now. …Most of the time, at least. ;) I know there’s still some stuff lurking under the surface, and I still have a hard time if something draws my attention to things that I want to do but can’t, but I get by really well overall in my day to day life. People are amazingly resilient when they need to be, I think.

    And you can feel free to have poor me moments, as far as I’m concerned. We’re all entitled now and then. ;) Plus, aside from that whole “health” thing, my life is actually pretty awesome in a lot of ways. That helps a lot to balance out the shitty moments. There are plenty of shitty moments to go around in the world, I figure. This is just the type I happened to get.

  3. E. Milo says:

    Never think twice about voicing it all! I want to hear. You are teaching, you are helping, you are creating a history that can be referenced. I’ve referred to your past posts a lot. The honesty of it makes a difference.

    I’m so curious as to what tests you are getting done. After a year of tests, what could they be testing or retesting me for? Nobody wants to even redo tests that are 6-16 months old…

    And, after all my research, I have no clue what Equilibrant is… So, you’re teaching again.

    Thank you. Thinking of you…

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