The rubbery layer around my heart rate monitor watch face came apart a while back, and we haven’t yet gotten around to trying to glue it back together. I’m not sure that I can blame the watch, really, because I suspect the magnesium spray that eats up my muscle aches and twitches may have eaten that away as well.
As a result, I now look down at my empty wrist expectantly several times a day. I’m thinking I should probably just write a time on there with magic marker and be done with it.
I’ve not been particularly well of late, which was probably obvious by my absence here. It’s a tough thing to get anything accomplished with only an hour or so of truly functional active mental time per week. Makes for a lot of tough decisions on where to spend efforts, and a lot of frustration on where not to. People send me lovely e-mails, and I read them, and appreciate them deeply, and then leave them sitting un-replied-to in my inbox. That breaks my heart a little sometimes. Appointments go unscheduled. Phone calls go unmade. Pills I’m not sure I want to take anymore continue to be taken simply because I don’t have the energy to firmly decide not to. Sometimes I try to prioritize what needs doing, but that takes up all my effort and then by the time I can tackle the first item my needs have often changed. My to-do list grows exponentially faster than I can clear it.
Sometimes my mother calls, and I speak to her briefly and then have to reschedule everything else I thought I was doing that day instead. Sometimes I feel the desire to Say Something On the Internet, and everything else is a write off for another week or two. Many times I end up sucked into things that are largely irrelevant – the energy equivalent of paying a monkey five dollars to dance around for me, then realizing five dollars was all the money I had to get home. But I won’t say that I always regret the dancing monkeys. Sometimes a person needs that sort of thing.
Besides, it’s not like I’ve got anywhere else to be.
I don’t even know what time it is.
Tags: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, dancing primates, It's either a quarter past freckle or half past arm hair - I can't tell, maybe my wrist freckles have some deeper meaning I just haven't grasped yet, ME/CFS, myalgic encephalomyelitis