So Oriental. Soooo Sneaky

I’m a big in-head conversationalist.  I’m sure that I could solve the world’s problems if someone just gave me an hour or two of long car ride and potentially a can of coke (which is good, because as previously mentioned, I am maybe kind of probably responsible for them).  Mostly right now I focus on the great global travesty of how to convince my psychiatrist that I don’t want another SSRI to try just yet, but you know, I could branch out.  If I wanted to.

Sometimes now just after I finish writing here, everything that happens in my life gets mentally blogged instead.  And let me tell you, that blog would be defectively fascinating.  Like a puppy with two heads, or a scab that looks sort of like a major political figure, or one of those cat hairs that manages to weave its way through my clothes.  Plus, two times more ninjas than I write about here.

I’ve ended up on sort of a de facto schedule lately.  Not the type of schedule that my therapists have gently encouraged me towards (or away from, depending on which side of “all or nothing” I happen to be falling on that week), but it is meshing into something consistent enough that I find myself starting to work around it.  I can’t do that then.  That’s when I wander back and forth jittering.  …Duh.

This morning I am putting my newfound self-enlightenment to work, and experimenting with forcing myself to sit down here and write before the morning coffee has worn off, and the Ritalin starts to take its mid-afternoon downturn.  I think perhaps that I am suffering some of that “ego-centric” side effect loveliness that they mention in relation to things like this that mess with dopamine.  Largely because the times like this that I have the energy to accomplish things like “paperwork” and such, it seems like a solidly poor idea.  I will not debase myself with these “insurance forms you speak of!”  …Then by around 4pm I’m crashed out on the couch in a pile wondering what the hell I was thinking, and making resolutions that clearly I will take care of it tomorrow.

Yes.  Clearly.

So yes, posting here while I have the energy.  On the plus side, it means less mopey-frowny deep analysis of my life and goals and inner workings.  Down side, none of this makes any sense.  …But more ninjas.

Plus, I really know how to let a thing go.

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7 Responses to “So Oriental. Soooo Sneaky”

  1. Mel says:

    You know, you make me laugh out loud sometimes, particularly your tags.
    And it all makes perfect sense. Every time you write, I sit here going “Yeah I know EXACTLY what she means by that” no matter how weird and wacky or sensible and rational it is :-)
    I’m so glad I stumbled on your blog [while looking for articles on depression to try and help myself]
    I’ve just been put on Citalopram [Cipralex I think you call it] and am going through side effects galore. I’d very much like to talk/email sometime if ever you have the time/and/or the inclination.
    Mel x

  2. Natalie says:

    I like ninjas.

  3. Curiosity says:

    …And those right there are pretty much exactly why I love doing this.

  4. Emry says:

    I do the same thing, the writing/blogging in my head. Some of my best stuff never gets written :)

  5. spokeit says:

    Sometimes I think you may be blogging from MY head- reading my mind, you are!

    Ninjas are awesome. So is forcing yourself to blog- I feel so much better after it sometimes.

  6. Darla P says:

    Just stumbled across your blog. Keep going- you are not alone in this crazy fight. Have you been evaluated for being Bipolar? There has been some new research on treatment resistant depression related to your body not utilizing folic acid There is a blood test to determine if you have the syndrome/genetic mutation. Also, if your psych doc is not doing it for you, don’t hesitate to find someone else who will listen. Good luck

  7. Dustin J. says:

    HOLY HELL! I KNOW!!!! You just love to day dream on the shit! I also get emotional, especially if im on an empty stomach….yeah i get thinkin about all the great influential people in my life and how lucky I am. Thats when the water works come on….Or sometimes I feel like ive done a line of HIGH grade coke! and NO ONE could get in my way…just try! i dare ya!….almost bipolar like symptoms, but definitely not a quick swing from one side of the spectrum to another, it takes time.

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