Please tell me that you have that stomach line too…

Sometimes the fake “words” in those little prove-you’re-human-and-not-a-spam-computer text boxes amuse me.  Got “vichinga” yesterday, which sounds to me so very, very much like a pet name for female body parts that I may start using it.   Or maybe as one of those “Ha – gotcha!” kind of phrases.  Like “Yo mama’s so fat she probably needs medications to assist in managing her cholesterol!  Vichinga!”  or  “Your husband’s so lazy that there appears to be a minor buildup of recyclable products under your sink! Vichinga!”

Also nice guys do sometimes finish last.  Mostly in yo mama battles.

Day two of the Great Wellbutrin Countdown.  I am happy to report that there are no hives yet, though I have become excessively aware of everywhere on my body that is minorly itchy, at all times.  Incidentally, that line at stomach level, where you fold when you sit down with bad posture?   Very itchy.

I filled out the Anxiety and Depression inventories in my “Feeling Good Handbook” by David D. Burns today (the one with the admittedly very famous in the field man on the cover who looks very much like Mr. Rogers’s nicer, more syrupy neighbour).  The depression one is sort of like this.  They say that it can help to do that regularly, since it puts a definitive number on how you’re feeling.  I don’t know how much weight the actual number itself holds, since the test is pretty basic, but it does make it easier to make comparisons.

I haven’t kept track of all of my scores over time.  Don’t remember exactly where I was when I first started (early 30’s, maybe?).  At one point earlyish into the process, not too long after being diagnosed and pulled from work, I was a 42(anxiety) and 28(depression).  Later on after doing a lot of my self-help readings and trying yoga, etc. I was a 28 and 20.  Then 38 and 16 on the Wellbutrin the first time around (it’s known for making people a little tightly wound).  When the Effexor hit, I was too depressed to even think about answering the questions (it would have been off the charts) and on the Prozac I was too anxious to worry about it.  Today I scored a 42 and 40.  The anxiety checklist goes all the way up to 100, but the highest possible score on the depression checklist is 45.  Note that I tend to under-estimate my symptoms if I’m undecided.  Note also the difference between where I was when they officially decided this was bad enough that I could not work anymore, and where I am today.  Note that higher is BAD on this test.  Sigh.

Yo body’s so cracked that you get SADDER on antidepressants!


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4 Responses to “Please tell me that you have that stomach line too…”

  1. Jessica says:

    For a depressed person, you still have a pretty good sense of humor.


    I hope you can get this all sorted out. I can only imagine the frustration. I just found you through @lolobentley’s post at the Dooce Community, so I haven’t gone back to read the whole blog.

    Was there some sort of triggering event that launched you into depression?

  2. Curiosity says:

    I cover well most of the time. …This is probably responsible for delaying my getting treatment for many years.

    Humour is my life force, and sometimes the only thing holding me up and keeping me going. I have found myself numerous times throughout this process in a situation so absurdly removed from my “normal” existence that I either have to laugh, or cry horribly. Most of the time I choose laugh. Sometimes both.

    Maybe I will try writing up the brief version of my History So Far with this so that I can give new readers the cliff notes on where I’m at. …Once I’m finished with the shock and awe that I have new readers. And ones that didn’t find me via hugging kittens, no less!

  3. JD says:

    I too found you via dooce after reading a particularly hilarious comment responding to her bacon grease mishap.

    I’m sorry you’re sad. I hope you find something that helps you feel better.

    And now, some unsolicited medical advice! You mentioned a bunch of weird reactions to medications – ran into the same thing myself and wasted a lot of time wondering if I was just crazy. Then came the blood test – turns out I am an ultra-rapid CYP450 metabolizer, 2D6 phenotype. It’s a liver enzyme pathway that metabolizes most antidepressant medications. If your body burns medications too fast or too slowly, weirdness ensues. There are a reasonable number of people who have different CYP450 genetic profiles – it’s not one of these one-in-ten-million things.

    Test is kind of expensive, often not covered by insurance, and may show results that are totally normal. But if it shows that you’ve got some weirdness too, it can help steer you away from certain drugs and towards others – saves time, since antidepressant effects are measured over weeks and months. It steered me toward an MAO inhibitor, which has worked really, really well. They are much less scary than most people and most physicians think, though you do have to use your head. No cheese, no Chinese, and don’t eat it if you don’t know what it is.

    Please take this only for what it’s worth – free medical advice from anonymous internet user! How reliable!

    Good luck to you.

  4. Curiosity says:

    @JD – I am never one to turn away unsolicited medical advice, especially about things that I hadn’t heard of yet! I will definitely look into my liver enzyme pathways. Clearly something is off with me, I just haven’t been able to identify what. Thank you for stopping by, and thank you for giving me a new direction to explore!

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