So first off, holy crap is every week an eternity in blogland. I feel like I’ve been out of touch for YEARS (how are you? Any kids? Are you still working at that place doing that thing?). On the plus side, that also means I’ve apparently known you folks for centuries. We’ve practically weathered the dawn of time together. I miss the dinosaurs. Don’t you?
Apologies for the lack of communication lately. I blame a combination of factors and Nicholas Cage. …Not because he was involved in what I’ve been doing in any way. Just because he looks kind of shifty, and I feel better having something to pin on him.
As has become customary, subtle parts of my personality are shifting with the current medication changes. It’s sort of an eerie experience if you haven’t been through it. The most recent increases to my Wellbutrin came with anxiety on a level that defies all logic. Near-hysterics-because-I-can’t-find-the-instruction-manuel-for-our-barbeque kind of defying. The kind in which I sit there in the moment, watching it all happen from inside my head, with a puzzled wtf expression on my mental face. I rather firmly requested that the dose go back down.
At any rate, in the meantime being away to see friends was nice. Every now and then I have a moment before going to see people in which I don’t feel in any way up for the potential strain of social interaction. …And then, of course, proceed to have a fine time once I’m there. Another one of those things that I really DON’T WANT TO DO. And then once I do them am like BOY AM I GLAD I DID THAT. I don’t know what’s up with that. In line with my unintentional genius at embodying all-or-nothing thinking, when my anxiety levels are artificially inflated I seem to want to do whatever it is that I have been doing recently. Whatever that may be. I think I could darn socks for several weeks if that’s what my brain happened to fixate on. …Which is interesting, since the rest of the time I pretty much crave constant variety (and since I’m not entirely clear on what darning is exactly. I think yarn may be involved). I think a part of me still does in those moments. That part is confused.
On the plus side, the Luvox-withdrawal nausea, etc. has leveled out a lot recently. I acknowledge that apparently the crush-and-dissolve method works much better for many people when trying to get very small doses, but I don’t think it was going well for me. I’m now back to breaking up pills into tiny little pieces instead, which makes it much harder to get an accurate dose, but seems to be agreeing better with my stomach. While on the road, we thought it might be a good idea to acquire a sensitive little electronic scale to help distinguish which irregularly sized medication nuggets are larger than others so that I can get a more consistent tapering effect. This has worked out okay except for the fact that at least three people in Kingston Ontario now think I’m dealing drugs. And that I’m not, so am completely unable to cash in on their potential referrals.
Aside from the unfortunate lack of drug money and excuses to wear gold teeth and/or lurk about in alleys, things are okay at the moment. The fixation on activities thing is a little odd, but I have grand ambitions to commit myself to some kind of pattern in which I am forced to change activities every hour, no matter what. I have the willpower to know that if I sincerely decide to do it that I can, stupid medication weirdness or not. So I will decide to vary it up a little more soon. Maybe tomorrow. I’m darning today.
Tags: barbeque hysterics, friends, I didn't even know that's what those scales were used for - my geeky brain automatically thinks science instead, the creation of the universe, things one can do to socks besides make puppets or lose them in the dryer, withdrawal
No kids, still at the same job, I totally know what you mean about feeling out of the loop
I’m glad the withdrawal is leveling, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it keeps doing so!
I like the blame-Nicholas-Cage philosophy. I’m on board.
excellent writing about teeth, it is actually useful for me. keep writing and happy blogging.
Been wondering about you lately–nice to get a report and hear that the Luvox withdrawal is going better.
Instead of darning, maybe you could knit. Or craft thousands of fabulous things Martha Stewart shows us how to make on her show. Then you could sell your creations on Etsy and become independently wealthy. Maybe Nicholas Cage will buy some to make up amends.
Gah. Make amends. I need to start proofreading.
glad you’re back to the web AND back to a more level, um… level?
you know what i mean…
have i ever mentioned that i can SO relate with your tales of anxiety and hysterics? however much a cop-out it may be to say to a blogger: “i SOOOOOOOOOO relate to you. let’s be friends! you can braid my hair and i can paint your nails!, etc…” i only say it because it’s true.
Spokeit – Where did that phrase come from anyway? All the loops I can think of would be a bad thing to be inside.
IfByYes – Shall I alert Al Gore that we’ve figured out the Global Warming thing, or do you want to?
Wombat – As far as I can recall, the extent of my knitting experience consists mostly of a large number of Barbie tube dresses I made when I was ten, and the excessively wide blue scarf that has been 80% finished in my closet for almost five years now. I’m not sure which one Mr. Cage would be more likely to go for.
Stef – It always feels good to know that there are other people out there who can relate to all of this. Does good things for my you-might-actually-be-normal-sort-of quotient. And you’re welcome to paint my nails anytime. …Except while I’m braiding your hair. That could be messy for both of us. I have to warn you I have this almost non-existent pinky toenail though…
Janell McClod – Okay, so normally I wouldn’t let spam comments through here, but your random comment that my stray comment about gold teeth was “useful for you” made me laugh hard enough that I am letting this one through just on the basis of its special kind of absurdity. You’re welcome.