(Actually, I skipped my meditation yesterday in the commotion. …Don’t tell)

New house is fantastic.  I was a little worried about a few details, as we had decided to move a little far from…everything.  It’s great, though.  I love that we now have sort of a small town feeling, without it being small enough that everybody’s nosy.  I love that a neighbour was walking by (with a very large and very blind dog) and stopped to welcome us, and that I didn’t even mind chatting with him.  I love that it’s peaceful and calm, even on a Saturday afternoon.  And I love that everything just feels a little more friendly, and a little more laid back.

I’m not a great one with moving into new places.  New places tend to whig me out a little for the first few nights at least.  I just don’t feel safe, and everything has a tinge of loneliness to it.  We stayed over in the new house last night, though (on an air mattress), and I didn’t even notice at all.  Felt a little like we were squatters for the first evening (kept waiting for somebody to come in and drag us out), but by the next morning, it felt perfectly natural to be in our house.  In fact, I’m kind of aching to go back.  We’re doing some painting and floors and such before we move in, so I’ll have to be a little patient.  Still…Yay!

Things have been going well in general, I think.  I do feel like a very different person than I was three months ago.  It’s sort of like I’ve stopped taking for granted all of the things I thought that I knew about myself and really feeling them out fully.  Experimenting with approaching things differently just for the sake of approaching them differently, I guess.  Extremely liberating.  I park in different places, and choose different ice cream flavours (I have tended historically to be an old consistent favourites kind of girl).  I have taken to driving like a gangsta sometimes, with my arm on the window ledge and one hand on the wheel.  I used to drive in 10 and 2 pretty much all the time (not because I’m a stickler, but because I like to be in control).  I have to say, the experimentation has sincerely lowered my stress while driving.  I ate in the car while driving yesterday.  I realized that I never have before.

In addition to making me a slightly more dangerous driver, I’m noticing changes in other areas too.  I’ve gotten pretty natural now with trying different approaches just for the sake of it, without worrying how they’re going to turn out, or if I’m doing the absolute best thing I could do.  I’ve been a pretty big perfectionist for most of my life, and tend to naturally have crazy high standards for myself.  A lot of the time, the pressure’s completely off now.  I’m not trying to get things just right.  I’m just trying something new and exploring what happens.

I credit the mindfulness practice for most of this.  It all came on rather suddenly after about three or four weeks of daily practice.  A lot to commit to, but well worth it now.  I’m really hoping that this is the beginning of something lasting and powerful rather than one of those feelings that seems all consuming at the time and then gets lost in the flood of other life events and stresses.

It’s kind of cool not really knowing who I am. 

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2 Responses to “(Actually, I skipped my meditation yesterday in the commotion. …Don’t tell)”

  1. susan says:

    “I’m just trying something new and exploring what happens.”… this is so where I want to be. Not fending off the woulda, shoulda, coulda’s, but simply living. In the moment, at the moment. I’ve a long ways to go.

  2. [...] course, this is really all stuff that I had mastered a full year ago.  Sometimes I re-have a particular epiphany several times before it actually starts to sink in for [...]

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