Posts Tagged ‘dead horses and the beating thereof’

So Oriental. Soooo Sneaky

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

I’m a big in-head conversationalist.  I’m sure that I could solve the world’s problems if someone just gave me an hour or two of long car ride and potentially a can of coke (which is good, because as previously mentioned, I am maybe kind of probably responsible for them).  Mostly right now I focus on the great global travesty of how to convince my psychiatrist that I don’t want another SSRI to try just yet, but you know, I could branch out.  If I wanted to.

Sometimes now just after I finish writing here, everything that happens in my life gets mentally blogged instead.  And let me tell you, that blog would be defectively fascinating.  Like a puppy with two heads, or a scab that looks sort of like a major political figure, or one of those cat hairs that manages to weave its way through my clothes.  Plus, two times more ninjas than I write about here.

I’ve ended up on sort of a de facto schedule lately.  Not the type of schedule that my therapists have gently encouraged me towards (or away from, depending on which side of “all or nothing” I happen to be falling on that week), but it is meshing into something consistent enough that I find myself starting to work around it.  I can’t do that then.  That’s when I wander back and forth jittering.  …Duh.

This morning I am putting my newfound self-enlightenment to work, and experimenting with forcing myself to sit down here and write before the morning coffee has worn off, and the Ritalin starts to take its mid-afternoon downturn.  I think perhaps that I am suffering some of that “ego-centric” side effect loveliness that they mention in relation to things like this that mess with dopamine.  Largely because the times like this that I have the energy to accomplish things like “paperwork” and such, it seems like a solidly poor idea.  I will not debase myself with these “insurance forms you speak of!”  …Then by around 4pm I’m crashed out on the couch in a pile wondering what the hell I was thinking, and making resolutions that clearly I will take care of it tomorrow.

Yes.  Clearly.

So yes, posting here while I have the energy.  On the plus side, it means less mopey-frowny deep analysis of my life and goals and inner workings.  Down side, none of this makes any sense.  …But more ninjas.

Plus, I really know how to let a thing go.