Still feeling pretty glum, but I’m hanging in there.
Wrote a complaint letter the other day. …Not about how I’m feeling (though if you have an address for me to send one of those, do pass it on), but for an unsatisfactory product. My step-father is the master of this. He could give Wombat a run for her money on the returns. Not only does he take stuff back, but if he’s even the slightest bit dissatisfied, he writes a nice letter to corporate headquarters telling them about his previously loyal patronage and disappointing experience and they almost always send him boxes of free stuff or at the very least a whole pile of coupons. I was venting to my husband about a particular product a while back when I realized suddenly that I really am a loyal customer. And I really am disappointed with my purchase. So I figured what the heck. I like free stuff. Nothing to lose. Bring on the stationary supplies.
In other news, I think the combination of blogging and being away from my professional work environment for so long may be affecting my “normal” writing style. I’m not sure that I’m capable any longer of attempting a serious letter without producing something that my husband wants to forward to his coworkers. …Although I’m oddly okay with that. More disturbing is that I didn’t really realize there was anything unusual about the letter I sent until he read it over and started laughing at me.
Dear Paper Mate Representative,
I have been a staunch Paper Mate user for a very long time now. I go through an obscene quantity of pens every year, partly because I am a teacher, partly because I make a bizarre number of to-do lists, and partly because my bag seems to eat them. I have long ago given up buying anything but your products because I have found them so consistently reliable – no blobs, no inconsistencies, no complications or frustrations.
However, my most recent pen purchase was a rather large box of your comfortmate pens.
I love a good black ink retractable comfort grip pen (it’s my standard go-to writing implement, next to a good mechanical pencil), and normally I am absolutely satisfied with this type of product, but this batch has been more frustrating than I can put into words. Half the time there are big globs of ink when I click to use them, and the other half they abruptly stop writing for a while in the middle of things, then come back some time later only to die again over and over while I’m trying to get whatever it was written down. I’ve been through a pile of them now thinking it must just have been a fluke with one bad pen, but they’re all like that. It makes no difference if they’re kept inside, outside, right-side-up at all times, or if I shake them, hold them still, turn them gently, press harder, press softer,…they all do this with clockwork regularity, and it is exceptionally frustrating.
I know that might sound silly, but I am really sincerely disappointed, as this is the first time you’ve let me down, and I have purchased your products so consistently in the past to prevent exactly these types of issues. I do not want to have to begin my search all over again for a brand that I can trust.
If this was a temporary problem, I would greatly appreciate a new box of retractable comfort grip black ink pens to replace the ones I am currently swearing at. If not, I hope that perhaps you will consider raising your standards back to their previously high levels so as to prevent this frustration for the people who will be buying your pens in the future. Seriously. You have no idea how frustrating it is to be trying to make a note of something when the only pen you have with you is only willing to write three quarters of a word at a time. It’s like it’s laughing at me. I am not laughing back.
Thank you for taking the time to hear my complaint. I really do appreciate it. Let me know if the issue has been resolved and it’s safe to start buying your products again.
Sincerely,
Curiosity
Perfectly businesslike. Were I actually trying to make it entertaining, I would have included a diagram or two. Or transcriptions of my swearing. Or written the letter with one of those m@th($f*$#ing pens and let them try to make the damned thing out.
Yup. All fascinating stuff these days around here.
