I’m a big in-head conversationalist. I’m sure that I could solve the world’s problems if someone just gave me an hour or two of long car ride and potentially a can of coke (which is good, because as previously mentioned, I am maybe kind of probably responsible for them). Mostly right now I focus on the great global travesty of how to convince my psychiatrist that I don’t want another SSRI to try just yet, but you know, I could branch out. If I wanted to.
Sometimes now just after I finish writing here, everything that happens in my life gets mentally blogged instead. And let me tell you, that blog would be defectively fascinating. Like a puppy with two heads, or a scab that looks sort of like a major political figure, or one of those cat hairs that manages to weave its way through my clothes. Plus, two times more ninjas than I write about here.
I’ve ended up on sort of a de facto schedule lately. Not the type of schedule that my therapists have gently encouraged me towards (or away from, depending on which side of “all or nothing” I happen to be falling on that week), but it is meshing into something consistent enough that I find myself starting to work around it. I can’t do that then. That’s when I wander back and forth jittering. …Duh.
This morning I am putting my newfound self-enlightenment to work, and experimenting with forcing myself to sit down here and write before the morning coffee has worn off, and the Ritalin starts to take its mid-afternoon downturn. I think perhaps that I am suffering some of that “ego-centric” side effect loveliness that they mention in relation to things like this that mess with dopamine. Largely because the times like this that I have the energy to accomplish things like “paperwork” and such, it seems like a solidly poor idea. I will not debase myself with these “insurance forms you speak of!” …Then by around 4pm I’m crashed out on the couch in a pile wondering what the hell I was thinking, and making resolutions that clearly I will take care of it tomorrow.
Yes. Clearly.
So yes, posting here while I have the energy. On the plus side, it means less mopey-frowny deep analysis of my life and goals and inner workings. Down side, none of this makes any sense. …But more ninjas.
Plus, I really know how to let a thing go.
