Posts Tagged ‘motivation’

I bet he secretly likes Oprah

Friday, May 14th, 2010

I’ve decided that I need to be better about doing different things just for the sake of doing them.  I think I’m falling prey too easily to the illusion that I can’t do anything until I’m feeling better, or that a certain activity might not be that enjoyable so I’ll skip it.  …Not even in the dramatic depressive way, but just in the everyday sort of way.  I’ve been in the clenches of this mentality for a long time, I think.  Sometimes it’s just the thought that I’m too tired to [do paperwork, exercise, go out, play a game, raise chickens…whatever] on a particular night, so I should wait for some other night to do that.  This is true from time to time, but more often I feel better once I’m living my life more fully.  I need to experiment with getting back to that again.  Richer activities take a lot more energy, which is daunting these days, but maybe once I’m in the habit it will be easier.  Plus, it’s rare that those energized evenings ever actually get there, and I don’t want to be missing out.

Of course, this is really all stuff that I had mastered a full year ago.  Sometimes I re-have a particular epiphany several times before it actually starts to sink in for good.

So yes, working towards doing stuff even if I don’t feel up to it, and doing things just to see what happens rather than needing to wait for something reliably good.

It’s a fine line for me, because I have to pay close attention to the difference between deliberately choosing not to do anything because that would be nice for me in that moment versus not doing anything for the reasons listed above.  I’m not so good at that whole “balance” thing, so there’s always the danger of pushing myself beyond the point that it’s good for me and into the point where a bagpipe lesson in carnivorous plants would be more pleasant.  I am not, in fact, a robot, and even if I was I probably couldn’t go at full steam all the time.  I’m sure even the Terminator was lounging on the couch in some of the scenes they didn’t show.  Between blowing up that thing, and killing that guy?  Yeah.  Totally watching TV.

And just because I’m on the topic of rediscovery, I came across this picture of our boy yesterday and have to share it.  Is that not the cutest damn thing you’ve ever seen?  He is the indeed the master of trying things for the experience without worrying about how they’ll turn out.

Sleeping Cat


Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

Have you ever witnessed two ant colonies warring with each other?  I saw a group of ants going at it on the sidewalk outside our old apartment, and until I looked closely I couldn’t even fathom that the huge black mass of debris filling the sidewalk was actually ants.  One of the coolest things I’ve ever witnessed in person.  It looked something like this, the meticulously chosen (read: first hit on youtube) video that I have found for your edutainment.

When we first moved into our new house, we discovered that it had a bit of an ant problem.  Like, you’d see one on rare occasions, and then it would rain outside and suddenly they would be pouring down the walls.  My cats loved this house.

There was also some kind of black dust coming up from the heating vent in the office that I had to keep vacuuming up.  Except then I realized that it wasn’t dust.  It was ant parts.  Because we have TWO ant problems.  And apparently they don’t get along.

At any rate, it is spring again, so our home is once again filled with the sounds of birds and laughter and swearing at the m$%f&*ing ants on my m$%f&*ing ceiling.  Have you ever considered the logistics of trying to stick an ant trap to your ceiling?  Because I have.  Except the crappy ones we have now seem to just kill the little buggers, and really, would my house be that much better if it was RAINING ANTS?  Can’t seem to find the effective stuff we used to get anywhere.

I also find it interesting that they have so far inhabited the office and the hallway, but show no interest in the kitchen, dining room, living room, or anywhere else that there has ever been food.  Maybe that’s why they couldn’t care less about the traps we’re setting.  I need a Raid with stationary in it.   Ha ha, ants!  Mechanical pencil!  Take that!!

(I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised given where we found the fruit flies.  This place is a veritable den of bug-related confusion.)

So I’ve spent the last few minutes standing on my desk and attacking ant trails with a disinfectant wipe while my boy-cat gives me a look caught somewhere between horror that I’m packing away the playground and envy that my arms go all the way up like that (this is the cat who can stare at the ceiling and yowl at it for an hour for being so rude as to be up too high for him to reach it, so I can’t say as it’s an entirely unexpected reaction).  Then, since I was walking around with a mostly-wet disinfectant wipe in my hand, I toured the house cleaning off every door handle we have.  Which on further reflection probably would have been a smart thing to do when we first moved in.  They had a pre-teen boy, after all.  Eeeeew.

So, mission partially accomplished.  Which is good.  I have learned to run with the impulses when they come.  Small projects are safer, though.  If something requires effort in more than one session, I’m usually out of luck.  I purchased the replacement toilet seat.  I took it out of the packaging.  I even partially unscrewed the bolts holding the old one in place.  But then they were resistant, and I determined that it would be much easier with some pliers and another set of hands.  So now we have a loose and shifty toilet seat and a new one on the bed in the guest room (What?  It’s not like it’s used or anything.).  I have grown accustomed to things like this.  They are a minor piece of my current reality.  At some point several months from now I will be inspired about the toilet seat again, and the next spurt of energy will carry it to completion.

Or at least to getting the old one fully off.

Let’s not presume too much.