Posts Tagged ‘my ass’

Like, so totally genetically irregular

Thursday, April 8th, 2010

I am having one of those moments where I realize rather suddenly that a word or phrase has crept into my vocabulary and is in the process of slowly taking over all other words in its quest for word domination.  My biggest ones right now are “unfortunate,” “admittedly,” and “apparently” (which I was aware of), and “totally” (which I was not).  The extent of the conquest of “totally” I had not fully realized until just now.  But I totally use it a lot.  And it totally projects a small lopsided smirk every time, like I am saying something serious  …OR AM I??  Like that guy who delivers completely inappropriate insults with a completely dead pan face, and you’re not sure whether to be furious or laugh uncomfortably because clearly he must be joking.  …OR IS HE??

Also, it, like, SO totally makes me sound like a Valley Girl.

Also, I use also a lot also.

My focus is off of the antidepressants for the moment, as there apparently is also something messed up going on with my ears.  I won’t go into too much non-gory detail (it isn’t really the kind of thing that actually involves a lot of gore), but sufficed to say that one of my ears is reverberating, sometimes non-computer-related sounds turn into random computer noises, and I can’t hear crap.  Unless it plops very loudly.  And I happen to be in the room.   This is a little extra-disturbing for me, because I had 15% permanent hearing loss in my twenties that they never figured out the reason for.

This kind of thing is pretty run-of-the-mill around here, really.  Up until this year, I was sick with something mundane for three weeks out of every four until I got so totally fed up that I just decided to will myself healthy (seriously).  I still tend to come down with in-your-face ailments that puzzle the medical community, though.  Haven’t given up those.  My sister is the same.  We routinely commiserate about the number of times doctors have called in one of their colleagues because they “just have to see this – it’s so bizarre!”  I also get this with other support practitioners, but thankfully my massage therapist has never called anyone else in to feel my mostly-naked butt.

I have heard that the reason people find their lover’s unique scent attractive is because it indicates compatibility of their immune systems, so they are likely to produce resilient offspring from the pairing (really).   Taking this into consideration, I am not entirely sure how my parents managed to have sex with each other not once, but at least two separate times without gagging so violently as to make copulation impossible.  They are both perfectly normal human beings.  We are freaks of nature.

Actually, it just occurred to me that this conversation from just last night pretty much sums it up nicely.  For the sake of ease of reading (my unwillingness to retype or retouch this), let’s call me “er” and my sister “on.”  …If you can manage to stalk me with that much, you totally deserve to.

As a note, my sister has also already had severe tonsillitis this year, but that’s really more of an encore from 2009.  Last year was really the Year of Tonsillitis for her (three times!  Three separate times!).  The year before was unexplained full-body hives.

"er" and "on" are totally our actual nicknames.

I was all like "Yo, On, how's it going?" and she was all like "Pretty good, Er.  How are you?"

In which I use a naughty word

Friday, June 19th, 2009

Yesterday I had no spots at all.  Was joyous.  Today I woke up covered.  No help yet from the allergy stuff.  In the need for sympathy for my plight, I feel the need to pass on that there is now a big itchy red splotch on my elbow, between my eyes, and in the CRACK OF MY ASS.

That one will be fun to scratch in public.