Posts Tagged ‘should have picked a body part other than spleen in case people mistakenly think that sentence is supposed to actually have some kind of significance’

Five Question Friday – Mourning Morning Edition

Friday, February 11th, 2011

I feel a little at a loss for what to write here these days.  I tentatively intended the next couple of posts to be a list of memories of my little guy, and maybe some pictures or video clips.  I don’t know whether anyone else would want to see them, but it’s sort of beside the point anyway.  I thought it might make me feel better just to put them out there.  But I’m not sure that I’m ready to delve into that.  And everything else just seems  a little trite right now.  And thus end up just avoiding the blog as a whole from time to time.

I am doing okay overall.  I know that I am still grieving.  I also know that I am blocking things out like a champion much of the time (which I am not entirely content with, but does make me seem more okay).  I almost feel sometimes like I am doing TOO well on the surface; like if I really loved him that much, I would seem more upset.  Which isn’t true.  And I am plenty upset as it is.  It’s just coming through in different ways now.  I try to make comments with some humour in them, but it’s like reflexive, going-through-the-motions humour.  It often doesn’t reach down all the way.

Anyway, I told myself I would try to do Five Question Friday, despite the fact that part of me reacted like someone with a monocle and top hat finding themselves in the middle of a NASCAR event.  Internally part of me is huffing with distain that I’m talking about things that seem so trivial.  But the other part thinks that’s silly, so I guess it balances out okay.

(Note:  I do not actually have any scientific evidence to back up my assumptions about what monocled people do at NASCAR events.  Clinical trials in which participants survived long enough for study seem to be limited)

As a really interesting side note, I went to read the Five Question Friday questions last week.  I was grieving actively and did not feel up to answering them at all, but I thought I would just look and see.  …And there weren’t any.  Instead there was a post about grief.  I am really sorry for her loss.  But something in that seemed profound.

Questions come via Mama M, and comments or answers of your own are welcome, as always.  Just to push me out of my comfort zone, I’m even going to include the blog hop bit this time around.  Assuming the page with the code stops hating me.  It seems to hate me.  So now for at least a while I just look like the douche who linked to the list without doing the courtesy of passing on the links of others.  Comfort zone pushed out.  Check.

The Questions:

1. Would you rather be on ABC’s Extreme Home MakeOver or TLC’s What not to Wear?
2. Do you have any tattoos?
3. Do you tell your kids about things you did growing up?
4. If the traffic signal turns yellow, do you stop or speed up?
5. What’s your preference: chocolate or chips?

My Answers:

1. Would you rather be on ABC’s Extreme Home MakeOver or TLC’s What not to Wear?

Neither, I think.  …And that surprises me.  I would have jumped at the chance for either not so long ago.

As much as I would love some new clothes on someone else’s tab, I would be terrible for What not to Wear.  Not because I don’t desperately need it, but because they would try to make me throw out items of clothing that I love, but are old, or unflattering, or tacky.  And then I would hurt them.  And then it would not be a family show anymore.

As for the home makeover, I like my home mostly the way it is.  We have it to the point now that I think I would be happier this way than with a bunch of other people’s tastes coming into play.  We renovated the kitchen and bathroom, so they are exactly what we want them to be, within reason and budget, already.  We really need to get curtains someday to replace the cheap blinds that came with the house, which our contractors beat up and left giant footprints on (seriously), but Extreme Curtain Makeover might not be great for ratings.  Our couch is due for replacing, but I wouldn’t want just any plain old couch in its place.  I need a couch that is welcoming, and comfy, and that I can tuck my legs up onto.  The bedroom furniture is a bit of a hodge podge, so I guess that could be redone.  But I like our bed frame because I have vivid memories of how happy we were to get it when we moved in here.  And despite the fact that 99% of our furniture required an Allen key and pictorial instructions to put together, it is our furniture, and we bought it with our hard earned money, and there is meaning in that somehow.

The basement, though?  They can come on in and finish that for us any time they like.

2. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope.  I very much want one, and have for a really long time, but being me I have the drive to make perfect decision about most things.  Especially long-term things.  Important things.  Things that would be etched into my flesh.  You see where this is going…

3. Do you tell your kids about things you did growing up?

Don’t have kids, but if I did, I think I would answer any direct questions honestly for sure.  As for volunteered information, I imagine I might tell them about a good chunk of it, but only in a “teachable moment” sort of way.  That time that I came home late from a party and was in the grass beside my house with some guy who wanted to go down on me?  Yeah.  I may leave out that one.

My husband is the absolutely open and honest type.  He would tell them everything.

4. If the traffic signal turns yellow, do you stop or speed up?

I usually stop, even if it means stopping abruptly (unless there’s another car close behind me).  If it’s slippery, or the road is wet, then I just keep on going.  Sometimes even if I know the tail end of my car is unlikely to make it before the light turns red.  I skidded once trying to stop at a yellow light, and that was enough for me.

…Although every time that happens, I rehearse in my head how I would apologize and explain and politely accept my ticket if a police officer pulled me over for it.  So they would know the reasoning behind my anarchist ways, I guess.

5. What’s your preference: chocolate or chips?

Chocolate.

Although I would prefer it in the form of cake, cupcake, brownie, cookie, or high end ice cream/milkshake.

Change that to chocolate bar vs fries, though, and I may have to change my answer.