Posts Tagged ‘sleep’


Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

Not feeling entirely normal this morning, but since I got around 3 or 4 hours of sleep last night, that’s probably not much of a mystery.  I watched the sun rise outside my bedroom window.  Then I finally got a bit of rest.  I am completely unable to fall asleep when something emotional is unresolved within me.  My husband can do this easily, and I have no idea how he can do it.  He has no idea how I can remain awake.  I am not sure that I got the better end of this deal.

It was cute, though.  He was trying to be comforting last night and then fell asleep, but he stayed in contact all night long.  I would roll over, and his arm would reach out to gently rest around me again.  I would shift position and he would try to grasp my armpit.  I would wiggle and he would grab hold of the side of my face.  Nice romantic stuff like that.

At any rate, I sat down to write a legitimate post today, but instead I ended up with these.

See how normal?  Very.

Normal Stick

Rubenesque, isn't it?

Overweight Stick

Pirate Stick

Pirate Stick

Plastic Surgery Stick

Plastic Surgery Stick

Porn Star Stick

Porn Star Stick

Stick With Cats For Arms

Stick With Cats For Arms

I may need help.

Traumatized, I tell you.

Friday, March 26th, 2010

So the p-doc now thinks that my body was so traumatized by the Effexor withdrawal I went through last year that now the signal of lowering my dosage of SSRI is triggering it to go bat shit crazy all on its own.  So it’s not the Luvox.  It is me.  My own sweet body, making me dizzy and nauseous, and plummeting levels of certain chemicals, and getting my brain to electrocute me.  Great.

I’m not sure how much I entirely buy it yet (he’s suggested some things to try in order to prove or disprove it).  I’m also not entirely sure which verdict I’m pulling for.  Would feel like a bit of an idiot if it’s my own chemistry sabotaging me and putting me through all of this.  But on the plus side, I might be able to get clear of the Luvox more easily.  And it’s the option that doesn’t involve me vomiting all day as a result of the testing.  Also, I would have the MOST POWERFUL BRAIN EVER.  Which is kind of cool on its own.

But damn, if it can affect my neurotransmitter levels that strongly, then somebody tell me what I need to do to kick this whole depression thing and just get my brain doing that for me instead.  Also, I would like some weight loss.  And x-ray eyes.

Had another night of crappy sleep last night combined with my now-patented 4 or 5 am awakening.  I literally let out a “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” today when the morning alarm went off.  And I was still fully awake to hear it.  This says something, as unless I am driving or playing video games, I am not naturally a big swearer.  I say scathing things, like “crap” and “drat.”  I reserve the right to moan and whine about the frequent awakening a little, as I do not have babies yet.  I’m sure all of the new moms are rolling their eyes a little, but can probably sympathize.

(except that if you’ll read above, I’ve patented it now.  So you’ll owe me.)

The Wellbutrin continues to make a positive contribution aside from the sleep thing.  According to my mind, this is apparently cause for much celebration, followed by an instant of panic that I may be put back to work, followed by some worrying about trying to deal with that side of things and the decisions surrounding it, followed by the rationalization that if it causes so much panic still I’m probably not yet well enough to go back, followed by a moment of relief, followed by another moment of panic that they might send me anyway, followed by lunch.

Mmmm.  Lunch.