Combination of very stressed and very leisurely at the moment. I’ve had a couple days off from the previously breakneck speed pacing of the last few weeks, which has been heaven sent. …At least, aside from the realization that knowing what to do with myself with an hour of “free” time is apparently a skill, and one that I am out of practice with. …And the fact that I’m a pretty firm agnostic bordering on atheist, so I am relatively certain nothing in the last few days was actually sent from heaven. Anyway, I’ve been maintaining a bit of low grade perma-stress, feeling like there must be things I am supposed to be doing at all times. I only have two gears, and am not terribly good at shifting them.
Still, refreshing not to have it justified.
Now if only I could also learn to stop worrying about the non-progress on solving any of the weird medical things I’ve been experiencing. And the fact that they all seem to be getting worse. And the fact that such a very high number of apparently extremely unlikely medical things, all significant, all undiagnosed, seem suspiciously unlikely to happen by coincidence for no apparent reason. I don’t actually like to babble about my medical issues here, to be honest. I tend not to even mention most things to my husband until they’re really bad. I’m sort of used to it. I expect it now. But I am starting to realize that being doubled over in pain to the point I can’t breathe is probably not “normal,” whether or not it fits in naturally with my daily existence. And I am starting to wish that somewhere in my circle there was a doctor who would maybe think the same.
This was not intended to be an angry or stressful woe is me post. This is probably why I tend to avoid babbling about these things here. Also, thank goodness for Canadian health care. There’s no WAY I’d be able to pay out of pocket for all of the tests needed to figure me out.
In other news, I was interrupted in writing this post and in that brief hiatus between draft and publish, my car has decided that it no longer wishes to be bothered by such menial things as “starting” and “driving.” It just got towed to the mechanic. Fingers crossed that my car is not as stubborn as I am.
Too much negativity in this post. Here are a humorous video clip, amusing photo, and some animals that are friends (seriously – who could be in a bad mood watching animals that are friends??).
Oh, and just for good measure, here is a picture of my cat doing his sleeping sea otter imitation. Take that, bad ju ju.