Posts Tagged ‘website’

No Spontaneous Combustion Here (I like to plan too much for that).

Friday, April 19th, 2013

(Sorry for any temporary technical issues in accessing the site.  We’ve gone rogue, cut free from the hosting company I’d been using, and hopefully giving us the freedom to fix whatever was making things so ultra slow sometimes (that’s what I get for choosing partly based on who had the most amusing company name, I guess).  As much as it was potentially fitting for my site to have the same kinds of energy issues I do, I’m pretty sure nobody wants to deal with that any more than they absolutely have to.  Anyway, everything should be a-okay now.  Thanks for your patience.  Let me know if there are any lingering issues we’ve missed that need resolving.)

(Besides the emotional kind.  I’m aware of those.  Mostly.)

Totally Random Giraffes are Stylish

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Stylish Blogger Award

So last week, The Urban Cowgirl and Spokeit each gifted me with a blog award (which leaves me probably more tickled than it has any right to, by the way. Thank you, ladies). I’ve been negligent in posting it, just because I’ve been a little all-consumed by Things Outside The Internet.  I’m on it today, though.  So, in complying with the rules and regulations, I need to do the following:

1. Link back and thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 5 recently discovered blogs.
4. Contact them and tell them about their award.

Because complying with rules and regulations is a stylish sort of thing to do.

So, seven things about me.  Hmmm…

I once made a list of 100 random things about me, for a website that no longer exists. Do you remember the days when that was all the rage in the blogosphere (the 100 Things lists, that is, not the ceasing to exist)? Now I’m wracking my brain to try to remember any of the really interesting ones that I came up with then. Apparently “have good long term memory for interesting items about self” was not necessarily on that list.

1) That website was my first real foray into blogging. And I patched the thing together myself through cringe-worthy self-taught HTML code. Because I’m that kind of person.

(It wasn’t cringe-worthy because it had blinking construction icons or played the Star Spangled Banner or anything, though. I’m determined and independent, but not strictly crazy.)

2) I like to share. A lot. Probably too much (I know – shocker, right?). I would happily share the depths of my heart and soul with strangers if I thought they were interested. But I would almost never initiate that conversation, because I wouldn’t want to force them to listen if they weren’t. Consequently, most of my co-workers would describe me as very reserved. And while I am extremely uninhibited in some ways, I cannot strictly say that they are wrong. Every now and then I surprise somebody, though. I sort of like that I have the potential to be that surprising.

3) I seem to be using the word “strictly” with far more frequency today than ever before.

4) I cannot say that item number three is strictly true, since I haven’t actually paid attention to my use of strictly in the past.

5) Sometimes I generalize things.

6) If given a finite list of pieces of information about myself to put together, there is a good chance that I will at least partially fill it with meaningless items and then go over the suggested number to make up for it.

7) I had an obscenely large number of pets growing up, most of them at once and while living in a small apartment. Off the top of my head, there were two cats, two rabbits, two guinea pigs, six hamsters, one (sadly short-lived) mouse, and two budgies living with us at one particular time. I wanted to be a veterinarian until I was around eleven or twelve, when I realized cleaning out cages and animal suffering was not what I most wanted in my adult life.

8) If I type and 8 and a bracket, it makes a face with sunglasses on. But that isn’t really unique to me.

9) The fact that I learned this a while ago, and still can’t seem to resist the urge to leave it that way probably is.

10) I am both excited and disappointed by little things. As a quote that appeals to me once described someone else, this makes me “easy to please, but difficult to protect.”

11) I like just about anything more if it comes in a variety of candy colours. I’m pretty sure that I could love a set of colon cleansing tools if they were lemon yellow and apple green and light purple and teal. This has done interesting things for my underwear drawer. However, it motivates me to be selective in some areas of my home decor, as otherwise I’m somewhat certain I’ll end up eventually living in something that looks like Easter in a pipe bomb. I also have a thing for large and random giraffes. It is probably a good thing that my bank account mediates my desire for impulse buys.

12) I like to smell things. All things. Any things. Random, everyday things. I have, on occasion, kept a lime in the fridge for the express purpose of sniffing it. I used to smell walls as a child, just to see what they were like. However, I strongly dislike perfume, air fresheners, scented candles, and the like. Things that are supposed to be smelly? Yuck. The subtle scent of blankets? Sublime.

Awards for Other Blogs:
I’m not sure that I have five “recently discovered” blogs that I am actually reading. I have a couple of new reads that I’m intrigued by. I have a couple more recently discovered blogs on my “I should really check these out further when I have some more time” radar, but I’m not sure how much that really counts, and they don’t really constitute a full set anyway. So I may fudge that part and widen the criteria a bit here… I’m also trying to spread the love where I can (though I’m not 100% sure where this particular award has already made the rounds).

In No Particular Order:

1.  For a Witty Natural Writing Style That Makes Me Want to Find Time to Start Reading Her Blog More Regularly – CreakyGeek

2.  For Humourous Writing About The Struggles of Parenthood That Is Not Actually Technically New To Me But Nonetheless Noteworthy – Sodramatic

3.  For Not Actually Being New To Me At All But Combining Well-Written Opinion Articles With Personal Stories And Humour, All With An Intelligent Writing Style – IfByYes

4.  For Frequently Taking My Own Issues And Putting Them Into Print With Her Name On Them In a Refreshingly Candid Way While Also Maintaining Her Sense of Humour – me and the bee

5.  For Being A Generally Cool Person Who Can Be Passionate About World Issues And Yet Also Quite Funny – SuzRocks

I think my spam filter’s kind of an ass.

Saturday, September 18th, 2010

So the spam filter I installed is getting enough press now that I figured I may as well formally introduce it to you all.  I get a lot of spam comments these days.  …Okay, maybe not a lot in the grander scheme of things, but many per day.  Enough at least that deleting them became WAY too onerous, and that the few strange random Russian ones were outweighed by many others with far less unintentional entertainment value.  But rather than forcing captchas on every comment, I figured I would give a filter a go at it first and see if that reduced the volume enough that I wouldn’t have to bother.  So jointly the filter and I confer, and come up with key words that we think spam stuff would contain, and force commenters using those words to prove that they’re human.  If certain spam messages are still getting through, I add new words to the forbidden list.

Easy enough, right?  The first suggested taboo words it came with were the predictable viagra, nude, porn, porno, pussy, upskirt, and such.  Mwa-ha-ha, I thought.  Take that, spammy people!

…Except two factors foiled my otherwise brilliant preventative measures.  One, the spammy people have apparently figured this out, and daily insult my intelligence by sending comments to the effect of “Dude, your site is the awesomest site ever in the history of awesome sites.  …buy my stuff!” designed to stroke my ego so much that I can’t wait to tell all my friends that BuyPharmacuticalsOnline thinks I’m awesome.  Note that nowhere in there do they refer to pussies.  Not once.  Very inconsiderate.

My second dilemma is that it would appear that I am spending and unprecedentedly low amount of time talking about young horny co-eds and the nude porno pussy they have upskirt.  Because so far almost all of the advertisements I’ve been targeted with involve anxiety cures, whole foods, or holistic medicine.  That and handbags.  Knock-off handbags.  I am reasonably certain at least half of North America wants to sell me a handbag.

So consequently, you can imagine how the list of common words used in spam comments progressed.  I think the challenge now is to see whether you can find a comment that doesn’t trigger a captcha check (Here’s a hint – talk about cock!).  Possibly, that means it would make sense to go over to an all-captcha system, but the growing banned words list now amuses me highly enough that I’m both loathe to part with it, and far too interested in where it will progress from here.

So until I tire of giggling at my common spam phrases, for those who want to avoid the dreaded captcha checks, I present to you some…

Handy Tips on Accepted Internet Etiquette According to my Spam Comments Filter

1. Emotional Umbrella prefers a rough, no-holds barred approach.  And it’s a bit of a masochist.  Thus, words like “good,” “great,” “wonderful,” “useful,” and “interesting” should be strictly avoided.  “You suck” is a supported alternative.

2. Do not mention vitamins, health, or wellness.  My website only wants to talk to you if you’ll be dead by 35.  “Pharmacy,” “immune,” and “antioxidants” make it appear that you have something to live for and are thus taboo.

3. It is important to appear hip and dangerous at all times.  Common suburban phrases are a dead giveaway.  Try swapping out things like “lawn,” “keys,” and “handbag” for more acceptable alternatives, like “crib,” “bling,” and “crackpipe.”

4. Do not appear cultured, refined, employed, or even likeable.  “Tea,” “insight,” “English,” “reading,” “job,” and “friends” are all off limits.

5. Keep in mind that only pussies say things like “helpful,” “nice,” “sharing,” or “thank you.”  …And as mentioned above, pussies aren’t allowed here.

6. Avoid anything that could be interpreted as appreciation for the natural world.  “Eco,” “view,” and “vacation” are strongly frowned upon.  “Natural” is right out.  Even thinking about “crystals” could land you a stoning.  …Or it would if stones weren’t so damned natural.

7. You may not “agree,” give “advice,” or make “suggestions.”  Only unconstructive criticism is acceptable here.

8. Whatever you do, do not admit to an understanding of science.  Mention of “research,” “gravity,” “energy,” or “evolution” will not be tolerated.

9. In fact, keep all speech to a minimum.  No mentioning “stuff.”  Only comments without any stuff in them will be approved.

So there you have it.  Hopefully this will prove helpful to those of you looking to navigate my comments without need to prove your humanity.  Clearly, it should also improve my target demographic.  Now if only they could afford internet access…

Also, in other news of other places, this post totally made me think of the time I went to pick up my heavily drugged husband after dental surgery and walked in to find him happily grooving away to the beep of his heart monitor.  If I didn’t already love him, I think that probably would have sealed it.

And while I’m in a linking mood, here’s this.  And this.  And this.  …Which have nothing to do with cute stories of either me or my husband, but have made me snicker recently regardless.

Substance

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

I received my first ever blog award badge thingy!  …Or the first that I know of, I guess.  It is possible that somewhere out there a vast grouping of Russian cat-loving stick people have been waiting for my acceptance speech, but I haven’t yet caught on to it.  ????? ??????? ??? ??????, Russian people.  At any rate, many thanks to the lovely IfByYes for the acknowledgment.  It is sincerely appreciated (and if you’re not reading her yet, get over there already!  She is eloquent, and open, and has an uncanny habit of sometimes reading my mind.  And the courtesy not to tell everyone about all the zombie stuff in there).

And, she happens to think this is…

I will admit to feeling somewhat inclined to fill this post with photos of various unidentified substances.  …But I imagine that would somewhat detract from my worthiness to keep the badge.

So my badge comes with rules:

1) Thank the blogger who awarded it to you.

Really?  Are there truly people out there who wouldn’t already have done that by this point?  Clearly the substance in that blog is rather dense.  Anyway, IfByYes, I extend to you a formal thank you, in compliance with rule number one of subsection two of the substance-related-badges act.  Thank you, IfByYes.  Thank you.

2) Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience using five words.

Um… “Try not to misspell stuff?”

This seems to be asking an awful lot out of five words.  It’s kind of like “sum up your existence with one haiku.”  I will try, though.  I suppose a more comprehensive answer might be:

Transparency

Reflection

Connection

Perseverance

Holy Crap People are Commenting on This Stuff Sometimes

3) Pass it on to 10 other blogs which you feel have real substance.

I freely acknowledge that the whole point of these things is to give a shout-out to people you think are worthy.  Part of me hates having to do this kind of thing, though, because I’m always afraid of having a brain slip and leaving somebody out, or that person number eleven will be secretly crushed they didn’t make it.  Plus, “real substance”?  Rough.  Okay, here goes…

Blogs with Substance:

1.  http://www.spokeit.com/spoke/

Spokeit is often reflecting on and refining her goals, moods, and approach to life, which gives her substance in my book.  And her dog is just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  I’m going to call that substance too.  He is substantially cute.

2.  http://annenahm.com/

This is mostly a very humourous mommy blog.  …But every now and then she gets a little bit serious and shares something more personal too.  Substance!

3.   http://itwaddle.blogspot.com/

In amongst the amusing bits, Susan is introspective and reflective, and has a habit of sharing insights into her life that are disturbingly familiar.  She’s also a mom, and has been recently faced with a newly-labeled case of depression.  In addition, she left the second-ever comment here, and it involved coffee in her nasal passages.  Girl’s got style.

4.  http://sonyasworld.com/

This was definitely a blog with substance.  A very candid look at a journey through one woman’s mental illness from her husband’s point of view.  He was always very open about things.  Fortunately, at last account, his wife was doing better and he was spending his time with her rather than blogging for others.

5.http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/reviews/is-depression-the-new-black/

Do blogs that aren’t really personal-type blogs count for this kind of thing?  There are a lot of observations here about what’s going on when it comes to depression, and resources for people fighting their way through it.  And stuff like this that I found amusing.  …I mean, substantial!

6.www.apparentlyIreadmuchmoreforhumourthanIdoforseriouscontent.com

Um…By “Substance” You Meant “Humorous Stick People” Right?

7.http://steammeupkid.blogspot.com/2010/07/why-i-will-only-draw-your-portrait-if.html

8.  http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/34/

9.  http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

10.  http://xkcd.com/773/

I thought so.

Okay, so this damned list took me hours of agonizing because I like all of you so much but didn’t feel that “substantial” was quite the right word to sum some of you up, and then in the end I just ended up listing people so famous they have no need for my quaint little website badge.  Because they have larger website badges, I presume.  Badges so large they do not even fit on their site.

Also, for all of you that I’ve apparently arbitrarily decided are completely ethereal, I offer the following badges, which I feel apply to many people likely to read these words.  Let me know if you would like to be considered for one, and I will engage in a long deliberation process and then gift it to you.

Hulk no understand why internet not amuse Hulk

Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

The last few weeks I’ve been a little lax in writing here mostly due to spending a great deal of time sitting in dumbfounded wonder going “I don’t feel like crap.  …I don’t feel like crap!”  And then looking around in confusion about what to do with myself.  It’s been a while.  I amassed a whole list of brief tidbits and observations about completely inane and lighthearted things that I thought I might write about sometime.  When I felt like it.  Because who wants to waste time writing when one could be, like, breathing, or walking around or something.

…Which means that when, in the last week or so, I found myself suddenly surrounded by those dark grey clouds that follow around gloomy cartoon donkeys, it was a bit of an unexpected kick in the teeth.  I don’t know exactly what’s gone awry.  I don’t know if it was just such a relief to not be completely knocked flat that things felt temporarily better than they were.  I don’t know if the pressure and stress of What To Do Next started getting to me.  I don’t know if my chemistry was a little fried from the past year of medicinal craziness.   Am I getting enough sleep?  Enough sun?  Enough caffeine?  Am I getting too much natural sugar?  Not enough sugar?  Did I step on a crack?  That mother’s back thing always seemed a little suspicious if you ask me.

At any rate, the last few days in particular have kind of sucked.  Kind of sucked like a cute little all encompassing vortex of despair.  I’ve been a bit loathe to admit that here, to be honest.  I was so happy to be doing better, damn it.  Plus, putting it in writing makes it all somehow more real.  And it already feels deceptively permanent.  I would probably be a lot less disappointed a lot less often if I could sincerely take each day as it comes, but as it turns out I am less good at that, and more super super great at taking the feelings of the moment and projecting them over the next several months.  So those two days I was feeling super productive mean it’s time to plan for a return to work, and the last couple days of crapitude mean I’m doomed to another lasting stretch of boredom and hopelessness and bad T.V.

All in all, I just feel sort of lost at the moment.  I’m so eager to just GET ON WITH THINGS already.  Filling in a quick depression inventory scale gives numerical backing to the fact that yes, I am indeed feeling much like crap.  Except for the thoughts of self-harm (which inexplicably but thankfully seem to be missing), I’ve got every symptom off the charts again.  Fuck.  There are still things to be tried.  I am way too stubborn not to kick this thing eventually. …But sheesh.  How freaking long am I supposed to wrestle with this??  …And why did my brain just provide “moose canoe” as the appropriate profanity to follow that statement?   At least I know that while I may not be in any danger of recovering in the near future, I am also apparently in no danger of becoming normal.  Phew.

This time around has some new bits to it too.  I used to rate fairly minimally on the whole “irritability” side of things.  I’m more likely to burst into tears than to burst into a room through the wall.  Not so this time, apparently.  This time my husband gives me a dirty look for accidentally brushing his face with my foot in my attempt to get off the couch (from my admittedly unconventional positioning), and I go from “meh” to “KILL!!!” in ten seconds or less.  Except that I haven’t lost the other symptoms either, so now I’m crying and angry and the back of my mind is telling me that clearly we’ve lost all of our closeness and our relationship is doomed.  And I want to smash things.  And swear.  And swear about smashing things.   I’ve gotten pretty good now at telling the difference between sincere emotions and the bizarre parodies induced by chemical changes, and let’s just say these ones are having a little chemical parade.

So mostly I am just waiting things out for the moment.  I go through the motions of low-energy activities during the day, and try to roll as gracefully as I can with the waves of “Aaaaaaaah” that tend to hit me in the evening.   And try to keep in mind that this could all be dramatically different tomorrow.  It happens that fast.

On the plus side, this gives me time to do normally not-as-engaging things like sift through my older Google Analytics stats and learn that now in addition to the multitude of hugging animal searches, antidepressant questions, bits of random Russian, and quests for stick figures doing various (mostly dirty) things, I’ve now also welcomed in a not insignificant number of search hits from “hulk no understand” and several variations on “amuse me, internet!”  Love it.

I’m probably more down with KFC. …Or CIBC. …Or maybe the BBC.

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

That’s not true.  It find it totally greasy now.  And salty.  And really kind of gross.  The BBC is okay, though.  Sort of boring sometimes.

It was another largely successful weekend.  I thrive on variety and new experiences, so I always feel more vital and lively when I’m exploring something new.  If it’s not likely to hurt me, and I haven’t done it before, I want to try it.  My husband knows this, which means teasing me often about abandoning poor loyal cucumber (my previous default flavour) in search of new ones. Sometimes, though, it also means he will suggest out of the blue that we go do something just for the sake of doing something different.  And I love him for this.

We explored a different town yesterday.  The vast metropolis of nonvastnonmetropolisville.  We didn’t bring directions, and we didn’t bother to find out what was there.  We just packed up and decided to spend the day.  Part of my wedding speech for my husband involved how much we sincerely look forward to long car trips together, so the fact that it was a bit of a drive wasn’t bad.  I miss getting the chance to just hang out with him.  When we’re laughing and talking and joking together I forget for a while that my chemistry is out of whack.

(As it turns out, nonvastnonmetropolisville is pretty much as exotic as its name might suggest.  It does have a Wal-Mart, and a movie theatre, and a Mexican restaurant that we’d never tried before.  And there were slot machines on the way, so we totally had to go in there.  I had never played on a slot machine before.  Big spender there, me and my five dollar bill.  I know.  But that’s just the kind of rebel I am.)

There were no tears yesterday, nor today, which seems like something that should be a given, but hasn’t been for some time.   We did hit one snag in the evening when I wasn’t up to seeing the movie he wanted to (with the whole reverberating ear thing, I figured that super loud probably wouldn’t be the best idea).  He was totally fine with it, wonderful, and supportive, and not at all upset, but I felt overwhelmingly guilty and worried that I was being selfish (truth be told, it wouldn’t have been my first choice of film).  I feel like I can’t always trust my judgment anymore because I know that it’s sometimes skewed.  So I was a little paralyzed over whether or not we should see the movie anyway.  There was some welling in my eyes, but I think I was really more upset that I was having an issue than about the issue itself.  It sucks to be reminded that everything isn’t well yet.  I am boggled sometimes that I can go from perfectly normal to meltdown within twenty seconds.

Today has been smooth, though.  And there are burritos.  Because we’ve already made tacos, chicken fajitas, and beef fajitas in succession.  But we always seem to have a few ingredients left over, and it would be a shame to let them go to waste, right?  That, and we’re apparently a little obsessed with Mexican food these days.

Also in breaking news, apparently a whole pile of Naughty By Nature tribute sites have just crashed and burned, because as of last Thursday Emotional Umbrella is apparently the place to be if one is looking for “I’m down with OPP.” …Or many poorly spelled or less grammatically correct versions thereof (also “I’m on the OPP,” for folks who like to be different).  A veritable flurry of search hits.  Before last Thursday?  Not a one.

Hello Naughty By Nature folks.  Unfortunately aside from the occasional blasphemy (and monogamous sexual adventures that I don’t write about here) I’m probably not really all that naughty.  Search on, my friends.  Search on.

Engage

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

It is super cool having new visitors stop by here.  That is a side effect of sending those cartoons that I totally wasn’t thinking of at the time, but it’s nice.  …You see how I made a point of saying that there?  Because I realized at some point today that people might assume I was trolling for traffic.  And I worry about things like that (because heaven forbid that someone I’ve never met should temporarily have a mistaken impression of me.  I also dislike Rod Stewart, cram my freezer full of crap I’ll never eat again, and have a thing for goats.  Because they’re wily.  In case that helps to clear anything up.).  Anyway, there were no ulterior motives.  My brain just grabs onto things and runs with them in strange ways sometimes.   Which is probably better for my popularity than if it was the rest of my body grabbing things and running with them in strange ways.

And since I try very much to be sincere here, I will also mention that I do get a bit of a crazy high from feeling socially validated in even small ways.  …Probably more than I should (Shhhhh…don’t tell the new people!).   I think I may also get smarter.

My little burst of energy has made it a bit more difficult to keep myself from overworking, though.  Remember how I had mentioned that having been so low previously, I was having difficulty keeping a reasonably accurate relative scale for how I’m doing now and what I should be expecting from myself?  Yup.  Still am.

At the beginning of the week, I was hopeful that maybe, possibly, I could try to accomplish some task during a day (one whole thing – wouldn’t that be nifty cool!).  Yesterday, I scheduled car maintenance, had my tires changed, researched mosquito repellants, read a chapter in my self-help book, purchased new furnace filters and miscellaneous hardware supplies, purchased ant and mosquito killing supplies, purchased tea tree and citronella oils, got groceries, implemented the anty death, did the household laundry, phoned my doctor, rescheduled a massage appointment, spoke with my mom, mixed up a batch of essential oil bug repellant based on the morning’s research, made dinner, and probably did at least a few other work tasks that I’m not thinking of right now.  And I was about to do a bunch of putting things away when I was forced to pause.

But we needed the mosquito repellant, see, because we finally got some cheapy patio furniture for our back yard, and we had these grand visions of us eating dinner out there, carefree and laughing, with a steak knife in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, talking about the high points of our day, and maybe politics or philosophy, as the warm spring breeze kissed our hair, and the subtle scent of flowers wafted by.  Except that a couple of evenings ago, when we were out there around dinner time putting the stuff together, we discovered a tiny, itchy, West-Nile-carrying flaw in our dramatic plans.  Important, right?

My husband had to tell me firmly last night that I should not do anything work-related for at least the next couple of days.  No mail, no paperwork, no phone calls, no errands, no shopping, no laundry, no cleaning, no organizing, no work of any kind.  I can see his point.  I’ve been feeling almost able to get things done lately, so I’ve been naturally falling back into go-go-go mode, and getting guilty twinges when I pause to do anything unproductive.  A lot of the time, I live in a state of chipmunk-on-crack activity.  That is a lot of my problem, though.  I need to learn to balance, and to moderate, and not to push myself too hard too fast.  This seems so obvious looking in on the situation that it’s laughable.  In my head, though, woo-boy, I better get on that laundry or the hubby will think I’m a slacker.  And hello?  I can’t work less than an eight hour day now that I’m off work for medical reasons!  And there are things.  And they need doing.  How can I not do things??  I had to think his proposition through for a moment, as I already really had been (unintentionally) creating potential to-do lists in my head for the next few days.  But I agreed in the end.  No work.

At which point, he promptly told me not to fill that time doing nothing but light therapy, and visualization, and meditation, and yoga, and tai chi, and reading self-help books instead.  Because my baby knows me well.  And I was totally mentally crossing out every administrative item and replacing it with something I feel like I “should” be doing from the getting better list instead.

And I may have ended up just sitting down now, at 6:13pm, for my first focused bout of “relaxation time.”  But I had good excuses, I swear.  Okay, maybe not good ones, but excuses.  Okay, maybe I can’t remember what I did between 3 and 6 today.  But I’m sure it was important.  It’s just so freaking hard to STOP when I think I can manage to GO.

I think I currently only come in the flavours of Burnt Out or Hyperdrive.  All poetically cyclic, I know.

Also, in answering comments on the previous post, I realized that stick people cannot hug and kiss at the same time, nor can they look at each other during sex.  Poor stick people.  That would be sad for them.

Large, bulbous heads are not always as much of an asset as one might initially think.

Squee

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

Hey!  I won a contest!  In addition to a lot of participant ribbons, second prize in a singing competition with two entries (seriously – and my teacher at the time heard the news of my second place finish and was so genuinely happy for me that I didn’t have the heart to tell him there was no one else there), and a kind of shady set of modeling lessons from the mall, I can now add “Importance of Humor” contest winner on http://nakedcupcakes.blogspot.com/ (shut up, okay. This is totally more badass than the mall lessons).

If you aren’t already reading http://nakedcupcakes.blogspot.com/, you really should.  She is witty, and entertaining, and sometimes has contests for her readers (Hello??  Contests!).

I am going to say http://nakedcupcakes.blogspot.com/ some more now.

http://nakedcupcakes.blogspot.com/.

Of course, anybody new who pops by here via her site is landing on the Lamest of all Lame Stretches in EmotionalUmbrellaLand, but c’est la vie.  Sometimes I giggle a lot.  Sometimes I want to stab myself (but not really. …kinda).  And in between, I apparently moan about our office ant infestation.  Prime audience-building stuff, that.

At any rate, here is my entry, captured for posterity’s sake.

A Pictorial Treatise on the Uses of Humor

I find humor most useful for its social benefits.  I like humor because…

1) It instantly diffuses potentially awkward situations.

I loves me a good April Fool's joke.  My husband does too.  We so TOTALLY get each other that way.

2) It is a powerful feature in attracting the opposite sex.

She's also diabetic!

3) It always works wonderfully at job interviews.

Sometimes they don't even call me back because they're afraid I will be SO funny that no one will be able to get any work done!

And last but not least,

I like humor because it gives me an excuse to sometimes use Microsoft Paint.  And who couldn’t use more of that?

Actually I do this with alarming frequency.  Seriously.

Filling in the Gaps

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

In reading another site, it occurred to me that an overview of events thus far might be helpful to have here.  In case people started reading.  And wanted to know what’s gone on.  But don’t want to read all of my archives.  Because they really don’t care what I had for lunch in July.

I’m still boggling over the fact that anybody’s reading this at all, but if you’re interested, there is now a brief overview of the history of all this over at the sidebar. Of course, once I got started writing I got characteristically overzealous, so by “brief” I mean “somewhat less elaborate than writing out a full minute-by-minute transcription of the events in question.” But if you know me at all by now, that shouldn’t come as a shock.

And if you don’t, well there’s this handy overview in the sidebar…

Poorly Chosen

Sunday, March 21st, 2010

I am endlessly entertained by the spam comments that try to sound like they’re actual interested readers of the blog.  There are a few posts in which I may have actually said something useful, but for some reason those tend not to be the ones that get bombarded with spam.   And lets face it, a lot of what I say here is…how shall we say…not exactly profound.  Half the time, the only reason I vividly remember that a certain post exists at all is the crazy number of comments I have to delete from it.  And sometimes they just match up so amusingly with the entry they’ve chosen to comment on.

Really, interested reader promoting online poker?  You are going to post a link to this post or the one after because you think that they could inspire a very interesting debate and you think that I have a really insightful take on the subject?   Really?

And you think that it would be “more interesting if the author left the Yahoo Messenger” so that you could “discuss this theme more deeply?”

“Pirates of the Carribean is really good. Lol, my little sister is a huge fan”  on this post actually threw me for a loop for a minute before I noticed that the author of the comment was advertising for a company.

Also, “If you are wondering how you can help with this or future events, please contact us .” was exceptionally helpful as a response to this.  I was, in fact, wondering how I could help.

I also got one today that promised to make a Youtube video about my orgasm post.  Heh.  No.  Thanks.

In related news, in re-reading those posts, I realized that I really have now actually posted about yaks.  Eegad.