Posts Tagged ‘What the People Want’

Flummoxed

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

So I happened to glance at my search terms for the day just now.  They display on my dashboard when I log in here.  This is something that clearly used to amuse me, but I haven’t kept up with in a very, very long time (more than a year now, really).  Today’s s set looked like despite the time away, the standard list of usual suspects were still going strong.  Yeah, yeah, animals hugging.  Yadda yadda stick figures having sex.  And then….?!??

That’s right…

I’m pretty sure there are things I could say here, but really, I think that’s art all on its own.

What the People (Apparently) Want – Stick Figures Edition

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

I have a nicely growing collection of totally random search hits to share still, but I felt that I would be remiss if I didn’t pay tribute to at least one of my real regulars this time around.  Ever since that  infamous post of last year, my previously unstoppable hugging kittens have been having their sweeping search term domination challenged by hits for stick figures engaged in romantic activities.

Some sweet and innocent…

cute little stick figures kissing

(Awww)

Some…not.

pictures of stick figures f#@ing each other

(Awww?)

And, of course, hit after hit for sticks and sex in combination.  So many that on any random day, I could probably scan my search list and pull off more ways to ask for that than any normal person should be able to think of.

stick figures sex, etc.

Etc., etc., etc...

These are all extra funny to me because I’m pretty sure stick person sex might not even be possible with those big heads getting in the way.  Think about it.

Anyway, by some twist of both supply and demand, I have turned into a veritable wealth of bizarre dirty sex figure search hits.  A few of the classics below (as a disturbing side note, only a couple of these are one hit wonders too…there are multiple people looking for this stuff).

stik people having sex

Clearly this is a common search for well educated, very careful people.

stick figures sexual writing

How do you even write about sex in a way that makes it clear the participants are stick figures? "John firmly grasped her body rail and pulled her closer. Their large circular heads pressed up against each other..."

sex posts stick people

Again with the writing. How would that be done? Or is this about using stick people for your sex posts? What exactly is a sex post? Is it like a stripper pole? A bed post? Some combination of the two? ...That actually sounds intriguing. What is wrong with me?

stick figures depicting sex

Is it just me, or is it mildly confusing to consider the kind of person who searches for this while using the word "depicting"? Is this for instructional purposes? In which case, wouldn't the use of stick bits be somewhat...um...limiting in its instructional value?

match stick man and qoman having sex

So much attention to detail in some ways, so little in others. Shame.

stick figures grabbin butt

Love this one. Stick people are not my first thought when I'm considering nice, juicy, grabbable behinds.

nasty stick figures website

I don't know whether to be disturbed that there are people out there seriously looking for this stuff, or kind of relieved that they apparently didn't find it.

stick figures ate out

I'm not sure which of the possible meanings I should be attributing to this one. But given the proportions of the other searches I get, probably not the out-to-dinner one.

Of course, not everybody wants to see the sexy sticks.

not horney stick person

Is it just me, or would that look very much like pretty much every regular stick person out there? Is there something subtle I'm missing in the bulk of stick figure pictures? What are they thinking that I don't want to know about? ...As a fun side note, this one is another with multiple hits. WHO IS LOOKING FOR THIS STUFF??

stick people don't screw

Yes, we’ve covered that. Now if only you could talk to all those people above. Also, why were you searching for this again?

And just for kicks, here are a handful of the other non-dirty (or at least I think not?) stick searches that have turned up recently.  And even more confusing, again, six of these showed up multiple times.

(list of searches for stick figures doing various random things)

(the mental health of stick people seems to actually be a very hot topic at the moment, if my stats can be believed)

pictures of sad stick people

Maybe searching for this makes people feel better about their own situation. I wonder if it's "sad" like melancholy, or "sad" like stick people with missing limbs. Or poor self esteem.

stick peoplestretching arms

Um...why? (Leaving aside for the moment the great possibilities for what "peoplestretching" might be. Probably not compliant with the Geneva convention)

stick figures cartoons don't do drugs

No...they probably don't. Because they're cartoons. Also because 2-D cocaine is probably difficult to find.

stick people emotions

I think I like this one just because the thought of trying to identify subtle emotions on a stick person amuses me. Two dots and a line are so very expressive.

aluminum foil stick figures

Why? Why do they need them? Why do I not? Am I missing out on something?

Does it say something about my psyche that I cannot stop interpreting this as a building made from stick people? ...Probably.

And of course,…

stick people using profanity

cute little stick people swearing

…Okay, I’ll give you, there’s something kind of inexplicably amusing about cute little stick people swearing like sailors.

Any interesting terms bring people to your website lately?

What the People (Apparently) Want – Umbrella Edition

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

We are hopefully optimistic about the girl cat and her progress. Can’t say for sure whether it’s the antibiotics of the lack of motion that’s making her feel better, but she it doing okay at the moment, and it’s a relief. I’m really hoping that it’s a sign that we’re treating her for the right thing (or, failing that, that it’s going to get better on its own).

Anyway, on to the search terms.

I have a tough time deciding which theme of these to post from week to week, as in a very short time of collecting them I’ve amassed tons of weird ones. Some of the best ones I haven’t listed yet, but as soon as I post a particular “category” of terms, the following day I tend to get the best one ever. Which means I end up saving the good ones just in case they get better. Which, yes, is kind of silly, and no, makes no sense. At any rate, I figured it was about time I delved into one of the more common trends anyway.

As is probably predictable, I get a fair number of search hits relating to umbrellas (umbrella sketch, umbrella ants, umbrella phrases, umbrella of worrying…). What is less predictable are the details of some of those hits. Lots of stuff about various umbrella brands, sizes, patterns, etc (e.g. “I need to find an umbrella with horses on it”). I never would have guessed how many people are looking for that stuff, but it makes a certain amount of sense, I suppose. And then there are these…

"there is a man in the habit of hitting me on the head"


I get a TON of phrases on this theme. The first time I saw one of this nature I was totally confused. In fact, the very first time I saw one of this nature, it said “Meaning – there’s a man in the habit of hitting me on the head with an umbrella.” At which point, naturally, my first reaction was “He hates you. And rain. And maybe you shouldn’t keep standing next to him.” The second time, I got “There’s a man in the habit of hitting me on the head with an umbrella analysis.” At which point I’m trying to figure out what sort of business technique an umbrella analysis is (is that a brainstorming tool? …Get it? BrainSTORM? UMBRELLA? …I’m done now.). It sounded plausible. There are fishbones, and snowflakes, and various other similar things involved in planning strategies. Umbrella could work. Why someone kept presenting theirs to the searcher quite so forcefully, I don’t know. It’s like – BANG! Analysis!! Awesome.

As it turns out, apparently there is a short story out there titled “There’s a Man in the Habit of Hitting me on the Head with an Umbrella.” Oooooooh. Makes much more sense that way. But I get a lot of these, and they still amuse me regardless, in a nostalgic way.

"Umbrella represent my personality"

Does it? Would that mean that you were an open person? Closed off most of the time? Usually narrow-minded? That you often hold things over people? That much of what you say goes over people’s heads? That you have a good handle on things?

Or just that if I were to try to cross the street with you in a heavy wind, you would likely turn yourself inside out before I made it across. …Because dude. That would be disturbing.

"famous people with umbrella"

This one amuses me simply because I have to wonder at the motivation behind the search. Who has a burning need to see this, in particular?

Of course, upon making a quick search just now to see if there was something I was missing here, I came across this and found it actually sort of intriguing. Makes sense, I suppose, but that had never occurred to me as a perk of fame. I love how put together some of those people look while performing what is inherently such a silly task. I think Snoop Dogg’s is my favourite.

"emotional umbrella"

An obvious hit, I suppose, albeit a somewhat perplexing one (once again, who is looking for this stuff??). I’m not one to disappoint, though, so here is my depiction:

umbrellas looking emotional

"Rubanesque umbrella"

Okay… Aren’t all umbrellas rather curvaceous? A non-rubenesque umbrella would be somewhat ineffective, would it not? To my knowledge, size zero catwalk models are not the best place to take shelter in the rain.

But who am I to argue.

I have also now noted that flesh-toned is not the best choice for raingear colouring, and that umbrella heads look a great deal like clams.

Rubens painting featuring umbrella

"adjectives for umbrella"

And then there are these. I get a wide variety of variations on this topic, in different wordings, across different days. I have no idea why. Is this a common question that I’m missing? Is there something unusual about me that I have not yet turned to Google for help with this? It comes up enough that, much like the umbrella analysis, I can’t help feeling like I’m missing out.

Umbrellas are: Waterproof, synthetic, rounded, curved, practical, utilitarian, awkward, symmetrical, and common. Also long and thin when closed.

There are a number of descriptive terms I might use in reference to an umbrella. …“Rubenesque” is not among them.

What The People (Apparently) Want – Random Edition

Thursday, November 25th, 2010

My search history continues to be dominated by various varieties of depression questions, hugging animals, lewd stick figures, umbrellas, and now the occasional query relating to Canada’s Next Top Model. But the ones that really make me laugh tend not to fall into any of those categories. Here are a few of my favourites from the random group.

Low Potassium and Alien Abductions

Is there a connection? The truth is out there.

Nicholas Cage Anxiety

I think this is a common disorder. Nicholas Cage just makes some people nervous. I’m sure there are support groups for this.

Wellbutrin "tried to think"

…But it “failed.” Because it’s “not alive.”

The good the bad and the homely

When ugly is just too low brow. …I think I like their style.  And you can definitely find all three of these around here from time to time.

Tummy line when you sit

Yes. I have that line. But why are you searching for it? I actually get a lot of these.

mug "coffee makes me poop"

It makes me poop too. Though I had never thought of putting it on a mug. Just the internet. ;)

scallops are creepy

Yes! They absolutely are! Ack!

creepy scallop

Scallop Eyes

What the People (apparently) Want – The Ask and You Shall Receive Edition

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

So anyone who’s been reading for an extended period of time has probably guessed by now that I’m a little more amused by my search hits than is probably strictly normal.  But, then, I’ve never been especially good at being either strict or normal, let alone in combination.  Why start now?

So rather than keeping my mild amusement to myself, I think instead I am going to embrace it as a regular feature (and by “regular feature,” I mean that there’s at least a better than average chance that I will do this at least twice).

Note that there is absolutely no method or uniformity to where the search term images have been collected from.  Sometimes they’re from WordPress, sometimes Google Analytics, sometimes for that day, or on rare occasions for a larger accumulated period of time.  I grab them as I see them, and I’m not terribly predictable about the details of that.

To thank all those who have landed here in ways that made me laugh out loud, I thought it would be only fitting to try to create some of what they were apparently looking for.  People search for some bizarre stuff sometimes.  But who am I to judge.  I’m absolutely certain my search history would amount to total nonsense taken out of context (and partial nonsense even with the context thrown in).  But if these landed on my site, there must have been a definite lack of other answers out there for these people.  So just in case anyone else needs these, here you go.

1.  “You, Sir, are a sweaterface.”

2. 

3.  (he’s recharging)

4.  5.

Anything your searchers have been looking for lately?